What if the truth is that the differences between those who live their dreams and those who don’t are really small?

So small, so seemingly insignificant, and so simple that we rush right past them?

What if it is something that we can change? What if, with a little work and, with a little time, we can make the small change that makes all the difference?

I think we can.

Last week I wrote about our mental autopilot.  Our subconscious mind which stores the thought patterns we use and reuse.   Using the example of learning to drive I covered how first we drive primarily using our conscious mind – until we have trained our subconscious mind to drive.  Then our subconscious mind takes over the bulk of the duties and we drive mostly on autopilot.

What if you could train your mind to achieve the success you want on autopilot?

Training your mind for success: Step 1

Step 1 is to give yourself a high level goal. 

A high level goal creates a high level mindset.  A high level mindset helps you   avoid distractions, indulgences and short term wins.  A high level mindset raises the bar on all areas of your life.  You become a better person.

To discover your high level goal a great place to start is at your own funeral.  Imagine you are at your funeral and are able to hear what is said about you.  This gets at the question of what difference we want to make in the world.  Imagine that a family member, someone from your business life and someone from your community are giving eulogies about you.  What do you want to hear them say?

Write the eulogies for them about you.  In those eulogies you are likely to find a high level goal that you love and that strikes fear into your heart.  Fear and excitement together are a great sign.

As example, I will share mine.  When I was a kid Northeast Ohio was an economic powerhouse.  I want to be recognized as having contributed to restoring that reality to our area.  That’s my dream.  That’s the difference I want to make in this world.  I have others that are family related and business related but this one I am excited about and frightened to share.

My high level goal, that I derive from my dream, is to help add ten thousand jobs to our area economy over the next two years.  I will do this by helping area businesses become more successful and more profitable.

Are you willing to share your dreams and your high level goal?

You and I should be committed.  Next  we’ll look at Step 2 to Training Your Mind for Success.   Stay tuned.

Consider strengthening your commitment to run a successful and profitable business by attending one of my upcoming workshops.

Business BootCAMP starts February 27th.

Business GrowthCLUB March 30th

copyright@DennisWillis 2011,2012 Business Coach Ohio

 “They’re coming to take [you] away ha ha ho ho he he…to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time”

… even though that actually does sounds pretty good.  (If you don’t remember it that quote is from an old song – recorded in 1966.  You can experience it on Youtube using this link; They’re Coming to Take Me Away ).

Not that, if you’re a business owner, you haven’t wondered if you really are completely bonkers.  You may even have family members routinely questioning your sanity.  Both of my wives have.  No, not at the same time!

I’m talking about something that is probably more fun than being in an institution and still, for most of us, is very scary at the same time.  It is also something we admire in others.  When we see somebody being really dedicated and successful at something we think “I’d like to be like that.”  We crave it.  Have you had that thought and felt that way?  I have.

If you’ve read my previous blogs you know I’m on the trail of a thought.   This is part of my effort to learn exactly what thoughts or thought patterns start people down the road to great success and keep them on it.

Choosing to be committed to something is simply a thought.  Choosing to think  a sentence that starts with  “I am committed to….”  is a choice that really successful people say that they make.  Try thinking a thought like this and listen to what comes up in your mind.  Feel what happens in your gut.

Fear, resistance and excitement are what happens for me and, I think, for most of us.  I instantly think of all the things outside my control that could prevent my delivering on the commitment.  Then I think of all the things I might have to do to meet the commitment.  I become afraid that I might fail.  Then I imagine myself being held accountable and being embarrassed.  My fear of failure  takes over and I resist committing.  Interesting bunch of head trash right?  I still have some of it.  Excitement is the new part – the part I’m learning to nurture.

The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating — in work, in play, in love.
– Anne Morriss

Now that thought slows me down.  I may not be the only one who has the feeling of the walls closing in when I even think about commitment.  Otherwise that word “irony” wouldn’t be in the sentence.  Then we come to the words “Deeply liberating?”  Really?  It rings true, though, when I think of people whom I admire that are truly successful.  They seem to have more freedom to do what they want than I seem to have.  So where does the “deeply liberating” part come in?

Could it be that the constriction I feel  at the thought of commitment is not the closing of a  trap but just the narrowing of a passage?  A passage that leads to a greater place?  Maybe it is a passage from the old me to the new me.  The new more successful me.  I think sensing what is on the other side is the source of the excitement I feel.

The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
- Vince Lombardi

Getting there.  Getting to that greater quality place and staying there.  That’s the conundrum for us isn’t it?  It is for me.

Why do most of us only occasionally, if ever,  get to our greater place?

It is because we don’t take into account how our brains work.  Our brains have a two stage learning process.  Short term and long term.  Most of our behavior arises from long term learning.   Most of what we consciously perceive arises from long term learning.  That’s right, both behavior and perception largely arise from long term learning.

Do you remember learning how to drive?  Do you remember the first time you sat behind the wheel and faced learning how to use all the dials, mirrors, levers and pedals?  It was a lot to take in, wasn’t it?  Did you have an iron grip at positions 10 and 2 the first time out on the road?  Were you intensely and consciously focused on all the details happening the first time you ventured onto a highway and had to deal with a semi-tractor trailer roaring next to you?  You were, during that time, using first stage or conscious learning.  First stage learning takes a great deal of concentration.  At this stage driving occupies your entire conscious mind.

Do you remember consciously doing any of that when you drove today or yesterday?  No, you don’t (presuming you are an experienced driver).  You’ve driven enough that you have accomplished second stage learning.  Driving enough with your conscious mind has trained your subconscious mind.  Second stage learning is when you’ve repeated something often enough that you’ve grown a neural network in your brain to sustain the behavior with little to no conscious thought required.

We have an autopilot.  Second stage learning is when we have trained our autopilot.  First stage learning can be instantaneous.  Second stage learning  takes time.  The amount of time varies due to many conditions.  Some of these are; the importance of the learning, the intensity of the training,  the strength of prior learning to be overcome and scope of the new learning – to name a few of the most important.

To be committed is to do what is necessary to get your autopilot on board with the commitment.  We learn, usually painfully, that not getting our autopilot on board with our commitments leads to broken commitments.  The case where we don’t go all way through the passage to our greater place.  Then it can be a trap of disappointment and discouragement.

You and I should be committed.  Next we’ll look at some of the great steps and processes folks have figured out to get this accomplished in our lives.  Stay tuned.

Consider strengthening your commitment to run a successful and profitable business by attending one of our upcoming workshops.

Business BootCAMP starts February 27th.

Business GrowthCLUB March 30th

copyright@DennisWillis 2011,2012 Business Coach Ohio

The “things are so bad…” conversation. Yesterday, this well educated and scarily smart business owner leaned closer over the table and whispered, “I think the real unemployment rate in Cleveland is probably over twenty percent.”  He went on to real off a bunch of facts and brutal realities about our area.  He capped it off with, of course, “Lebron really hurt this area.”

Boomtown. I was born in Cleveland and grew up in Elyria.  My father owned a construction company.  He moved us to Elyria in the early 60’s because it was booming.  For a year or two Elyria was the fastest growing city in the entire country.  Northeast Ohio was booming.  People were moving here from everywhere. 

We were at the top then.  We were making cars and steel and tires and machine parts and a whole bunch of other stuff and selling it everywhere.  Cash was being pumped into our region and people were following it.  Houses and schools and malls were being built and jobs were plentiful. 

Are we at the bottom now?  There were some down times between then and now.  The original oil crisis had lines at gas stations we’ve never seen again.  The original financial crisis had the savings and loan collapse and our government bail out plastered on the front pages.  Some say it is worse now.  Some think we are heading for a double dip. 

Boom then bust then?  So what did I say that stopped my friend and changed the nature of the conversation.  “Things come in cycles don’t they?”, I asked.  “You are saying we are at the bottom of the cycle right?  Well, what comes next?”  He brightened up a bit and asked, “So you’re saying we’ve got nowhere to go but up?”

We are in this together.  Belief is one thing action is another.  He sent me an email later on asking me for ideas on how we can help each other make money.  Now we’re talking! 

Action.  Don’t get your hopes up – get into action.  Positive attitude and positive thinking are important.  Positive action is necessary.  What are you willing to do?  Jim Rohn said, “Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.”  Ghandi said “be the change you want to see in the world.”  How can we be better – each of us has to work on ourselves – then we all become better.

Opportunity.  Here is just one little idea.  Positive cash flow is needed in our area.  Let’s focus on just that.  Companies that sell products and services outside Northeast Ohio bring cash into Northeast Ohio.  Let’s identify these companies and find them some referrals.  If you own such a company tell us about yourself so the rest of us can help you find business.  I just now created a Facebook page for this purpose.  It is http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Refer-NEO/122978311079105?filter=1. Click now  and type in a sentence and a link to your website.  Take just this little action.  Let’s see what we can do together.

Better.  No matter how good we are – we can always be better.  I’m part of an organization dedicated to that belief.  What we’re learning from doing that with 10,000 business every week is available to you too.  Contact me (denniswillis@actioncoach.com).  Here is a link to a few videos of business owners of various size businesses who are succeeding at getting better results http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=actioncoach+testimonial&aq=0.

copyright@DennisWillis 2011,2012 Business Coach Ohio

Chuck Kocher is an outgoing guy who was an executive in the information industry before he found his calling in business coaching.  He was very successful when I met him three years ago  and I can’t say I’m surprised at how high he has risen in the rankings.  ActionCOACH does a great job of tracking our coaches and publicizing the really successful ones.

The steps they’ve taken to get to the top get are shared and they, I expect, get bombarded with calls from other coaches who are trying to learn from the best of the best.  I was one of those callers.

We updated each other on what’s been happening and then I got to ask my question; “Chuck, what has made the biggest difference for you in your rise to the top?”  Without hesitation he gave me an answer that stunned me; “I crushed fear from every part of my life.”

It is an answer that has been stuck in my head for the better part of a month.

First, Chuck is not a guy with whom you would associate the word fear.  Second, fear and it’s silent partner; stress, have been showing up on my radar screen a lot lately.  In trying to understand how big a part fear plays in our life and how someone like Chuck can find and crush it from every part of his life I’ve learned some tricks which we play on ourselves.

We Hide Our Fears We don’t like to admit to fear so we hide it behind other emotions and words.  If something makes us jump back – we call it being startled.  Then we usually laugh it off or get angry at what startled us.  We say we “don’t like” networking when we are afraid being in a group of people we don’t know.  We say  we “don’t like” public speaking when we are simply afraid.  We often call fear being “nervous” or being “anxious”.   We say we “don’t like” cold calling when we are afraid of rejection.

Fear is healthy Fear is a healthy thing and we have substantial systems for dealing with things of which we should be afraid.  It is a good thing to be afraid of stepping in front of an onrushing bus.  Just thinking about doing such an ill-advised action should raise fear and stress in your mind and body.

Fear is unhealthy Fear causes stress.  Stress kills.  Stress shortens our lifespan.  Stress impairs our immune system.  Simply another case of too much of a good thing is a bad bad thing.

Fear is over supplied Our system of laws, safety regulations and cultural discouragement of personal violence have left us with, compared to our ancestors, very few real threats to our physical well being.  Lions, tigers and bears, gun fights, fisticuffs, sword fights or karate battles are far more the subject of fiction than our lives.  We seem to be left with a high capacity to feel fear and extremely reduced set of things to be feared.  Our fear systems don’t have much to do and so now apply themselves to things that can’t actually hurt us.  It is actually more dangerous to hunt for game in the woods with a sharp stick than make cold calls even though your stomach may tell you differently.

Courage is acting even though you are afraid It takes courage to overcome fear.  I’ve come to understand “crushing fear” as doing the things you are avoiding because of fear and doing them over and over until you no longer feel the fear.  I used to be extraordinarily afraid of public speaking.  I’ve now done it so much that I find it fun and look for opportunities to do it more.  People who knew me 10 years ago would be shocked.  One fear crushed – more to go.

Fear is a guide Do what you are afraid of doing.  I am working to increase my awareness of unfounded fears.  Unfounded fears lead me to avoiding things that I need to do.  In this way fear is a compass of what I need to do to become successful.  If you follow this advice make sure you respect well founded fears like stepping in front of a bus.  Disrespect the unfounded ones.

Fear and Stress I recently viewed a show on PBS entitled “Killer Stress.”  It was a big influence on this writing.  Here is a link to the show description (“Killer Stress”) and here is a link to a blog about the show (“Blog: How your baboon of a boss is killing you”).  Looking in to these will convince you to crush fear and lower your stress level and thereby become a better business person.

copyright@DennisWillis 2011,2012 Business Coach Ohio

Fear is an ancient protector of our very skin from physical threat.  An ancient savior that has become a crippling nuisance when we need, for example, to speak publicly.  Fear has become a brain cramp when we try to talk to someone we find attractive.  It’s become a liability in our professional lives preventing us from picking up a phone to call a prospect.  It is as if fear has caused the phone to weigh ten thousand pounds.

Perhaps, in our bones, we still carry the old knowing that standing out in the crowd can attract a watching predator or a that approaching a potential mate can attract a violent competitor.  Odds are pretty slim, today, that you’ll be eaten or beaten for letting your light shine bright.  Few, however, do.

To shine you must relax your grip on fear.  Simple.  Really.  I’m serious.

It is a simple thing to start running fear out of your life.  You accept the fact that you use thoughts to drive up your fear.  You become aware of when you have such thoughts.  You replace them with other thoughts.  Repeat until fear is at a useful level.

Fire yourself up instead of beating yourself up. Negative thoughts are self demolition and work hand in hand with fear.  We lead our self to self – paralysis with this one-two punch combination.  Negative thoughts leave you feeling more vulnerable to potential predators and competitors.

The good news, you deal with your own negativity the same way you deal with your own fear.  Positive, courageous thoughts grow positive and courageous lives for ourselves.  Start listening to yourself.  Start upgrading your thoughts.  Start choosing to feel joyful instead of fearful.

Start talking to yourself positively.  Stop talking to yourself negatively and fearfully.  Here’s how.

1) Planned self talk.
2) Planned self listening.
3) Planned pattern interruption.

Now, here are the details.

1) Planned self talk.

Say good things to yourself out loud at least twice a day.   Listen to yourself and repeat so that you believe them.  Come up with a list of 20 things to say.  You must start them with “I am.”
Say things like:
I am in a state of joy.
I am happy.  OR  I am in the process of becoming happy.

2) Planned self listening.

Listen to your thoughts and write down the negative and fearful ones.
Categorize them.  Below are three links to articles on categorizing negative and fearful thinking. Create challenges and/or replacements.  Suggestions on how to do this are also in the articles below.

3) Planned pattern interruption.

Catch yourself talking yourself down or scaring yourself.  Stop yourself.  Substitute your challenges or replacements and feel better.Catch yourself saying to yourself “I’m horrible at  ____________” and simply think (and say) “I have an opportunity to be better at ____________.”

A simple process.  Now you have a simple choice.  To live in fear or joy.  I hope you pick the latter and start talking yourself up.

Articles
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=empower_negativethinkingWS
http://els4kids.blogspot.com/2008/12/automatic-negative-thoughts-ants-ideas.html
http://www.byui.edu/CounselingCenter/Stress%20Management/Challenging%20Distorted%20Thinking.htm

copyright@DennisWillis 2011,2012 Business Coach Ohio